w e l l ~ B L O G ~ t o ~ y o u ~ t o o !

13 March 2004
because I'm tired and philosophical...  
These things tend to come in pairs with me--tiredness and waxing serious. I had my tarot cards read, though I'll need them read again in a much more private place, because... well, there were enough people around that I didn't feel comfortable voicing my question to the woman reading my cards. However, they did provide enlightenment--though she had to speak in vague terms and I answered in vague terms, once again due to the people around.

Then again, I'm a very private person, and I don't really care for other people to know my business unless I tell them. Thre are some things that I will keep close to the vest. I suppose it stems from emotional baggage left over from growing up. High school and college, etc.

Had an interesting conversation with a friend on a car ride home from a party tonight. Some people, I think, bring problems on themselves, and then can't seem to stop fanning the flames that they've created, when sometimes, it's just better to take a step back and say you know, I don't need to deal with this!

Also had a thought at a party last night, and again with a reiteration from the tarot cards tonight, that I really should be doing writing for myself. It's something I can do in bed before I go to sleep. Write a little on some stories. After all, I've got tons and tons up in my head who are screaming to get out.

I've also started to realize that I'm a jealous person at times, and that said jealousy can be a bitter bitter thing. And then, a little after it pops up, it subsides again and I think, I'm okay with what I have. Sure, there are things in life that I want that I don't have. Sure, sometimes it looks like I won't get it, and then, sometimes, I'm very much okay with not having it. It's wierd. I've gotten very accepting of not getting all I want. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing yet.

I really should avoid online journals when I'm tired, because when I'm sleepy all sorts of philosophical or psychoanalytical crap comes out. But I think on where I was like four years ago, and realize that I would be reduced to tears if I was feeling like this. I'd be weeping and crying--and yes, that was ON the medication. Now, that I'm off of it, I'm much more okay with myself, and though I can sit here and think that I'm not 100% happy right now, it's okay to be that way. I've found middle ground. Of course, I've had this for a bit now--this being okay with myself, this having normal changes in mood, but not the extreme highs and lows that I've suffered before. Then again, my life is much more simple in some very important ways, and it's much more full and rich, and I've got some very good friends now. Ones I can see on a daily/weekly basis.

On a different note, I got some cotton that I believe is the right shade for Delftwood Blue. I think I'll be making me some harem pants and a matching top, to be overlayed with white so I can match at Pennsic.

Speaking of Pennsic, any suggestions on the type of tent I should get?

And if you have no suggestions, go visit Lizzy because she tagged my tag-board and I haven't done shout outs in a long long time.

Liz the Mischievous renovated @ 23:43